my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
