just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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