i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
