I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize