On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
