Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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