When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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