I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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