he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
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