i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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