i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
