when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
