Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
