i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
