I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You can't motorboat a personality
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
