Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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