that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
