I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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