Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i was born a porn star she said
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
