i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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