what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
