he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
