batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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