ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize