You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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