What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
