I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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