My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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