o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
