My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
