This dress was meant to end up on your floor
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
