I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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