Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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