New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
