They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
