is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
