never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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