I am midnight drunk by noon
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Randomize
