why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
