he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
