I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
