its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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