Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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