you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
