What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
a search helicopter?!
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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