Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
