There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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