he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Drunk is not a location!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
