When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
