I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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