it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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