We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize