I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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