I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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