he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She bit a glass in half.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
