having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
