not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
