we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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