I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
