So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
