You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I wish there were birth control emojis
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
We had sex on a dog bed..
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
