Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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