There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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