make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
