you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize