No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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