Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
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Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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