a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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