Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
And then he peed in my hair
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