I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
