Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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