i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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