Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize