Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
