i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
