Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
