So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
