Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
