The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Bring me that man meat
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
