Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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