hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Randomize
