dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
