I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize