We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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