Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
