No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
