I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
