Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
