Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
