i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
