Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize