question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
