I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
