I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
