sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
