I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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