i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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