Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
