so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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