also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
