My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
