And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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