I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
