I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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