Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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