you would pick up someone in the library
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
