Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
