You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Reggie can tackle my bush.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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