that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
